Author: Harkrishan

Believe

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Do you believe you are alive?

Does the breath that has passed through you since your first moment convince you? Or is it your heart beating—fast now, slow again? Your legs that carry you places? Your mind that takes you further still? Is it in every particle that shapes the world around you? In the scent of those who smell like home? Or are you just walking through life, unaware of how alive you truly are?

I get it. You are on your way somewhere—a place, a goal, a bank balance. There is no time to look around, let alone look inwards. The cycle of doing what must be done leaves you exhausted. You do the work, and then you make up for it. You chase comfort. Or maybe you avoid feeling anything at all, and ironically, that feels restful. Your eyes and thumbs keep working while your mind disconnects—worn down by what life is and what you wish it could be.

But I write now to remind you that there is more. Hidden in every moment, there is a possibility of transcendence—of elevation. An internal leap of awareness that will leave you wondering why you don’t live on this cloud in every moment.

Your mind can open—to the world around you and the one within. To sort through your thoughts and feelings, to see them in the light of awareness. To feel self-doubt and sit with it, until your heart and mind show you the way to what is right for you. These are not feats of the human soul that require years in a cave or on a mountain. Those paths may lead to a different kind of peace—I wouldn’t know.

But I do know this: I live a full life. And with every passing day, there is a need that grows within me. A need to transcend.

There is always a trigger that pushes me over the edge. A piece of music or writing. A conversation that feels unburdening. Even the simple act of organizing a space, then sitting in it—light, airy—having brought some order to a world in disarray. And then, once it comes over me, I am taken.

The transcendence is like stepping outside of myself, watching myself at peace. There is a quiet music. It is not a perfect moment—those do not exist. There is doubt. There is fragility. I wonder if I am making it all up, if my insecurities are right. But there is space in transcendence—for doubt, for fear. For darkness, but also for light. For peace, for quiet. For your senses to rise and fall like a heartbeat. There is so much that can be felt in those moments. Or nothing at all, if that is what you need. You can watch thoughts go by like ships from a harbor—powerless to stop them, yet feeling no need to.

And the minutes and hours in which I experience these feelings—these are why I believe there is a purpose to our creation. There is too much meaning for it all to mean nothing. Just because that meaning must be found, nurtured, and believed in does not mean it does not exist.

We could be amorphous blobs in the universe. But we aren’t.
We could be inanimate. But we aren’t.

We were not, until we were. Born of those before us, given hearts and minds that can feel, imagine, dream. And one day, we will be put to rest. But between those two points, there is so much more to who we are.

That is why I believe.

This belief does not need to be shared to be sustained. It is a blanket against all those who arm themselves with logic and seek to steal meaning from lives that don’t resemble their own. It is a comfort in knowing that not everything must be understood, measured, or quantified. Our existence is meant to be felt, not calculated.

The transcendence will pass. I will return to doing what is necessary—unpleasant or unfulfilling as it may be. But this bright corner of my existence will remain open, waiting for me to find it again. And what else do we live for?

You may answer—for our loved ones, for our passions, our dreams. And true enough. But when you truly feel fulfilled and content by any of these—when you look at the person you love, or your children, or the work that gives you joy—do you not feel that quiet music? Do you not smile, stepping outside of the rush of the world? Do you not feel that moment stretching beyond time, showing you the beauty in what you have been given?

Do you not feel that there is more?

I think you do.

You see the extraordinary in the ordinary, and for a moment, you are outside the world, holding on to a sense that cannot be explained (as much as I may try).

That is what we live for. You and me, I think. And that is my backbone for belief.

There is more meaning to our creation than we might ever uncover.

But there is meaning.

Bask in it every chance you can.

You or the world

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Growing up I had this fantasy which now that I think of it, I can’t be the only one who thought of it – that I could stop time. That maybe I had a day left to do a task that would take a whole week. But I could just stop time, oblivious to everyone else who was paused, and then I’d have endless hours to accomplish the task. It would be my superpower.

The fantasy itself is laughable; but I also see now that in some ways it’s a cry for help. Not having enough time to do everything you are supposed to do is a problem that plagues most of us I think. And why wouldn’t it? We are supposed to live very full lives to be responsible and socially acceptable human beings. Work 8 hours, sleep for 6-8 hours, workout three to four times a week, cook at home more, pursue your passions, clean the house, do laundry, find time to meditate, walk the dogs if you have them, check in with friends, go to family dinners, make sure you stay on top of finances. It’s an endless list.

We all just simply choose which aspects to give more time to. Because the clock doesn’t stop and 24 hours is all we have.

This past week, I gave a lot of time to my work because I needed to. I won’t go into specifics but rest assured it was a long hard grind to achieve a goal.

Now when you’re in the middle of one of those grinds, what you would like to be is someone who’s on top of things and is managing everything well. Who’s putting in the extra time, making that extra time count, and ultimately just being a positive, efficient addition to the team. But for me reality doesn’t always strike that way. Things take the time they take and the path you walk is not always the most efficient one. It’s never personal, but unrelated thoughts and anxieties creep in and then you do the best you can while you carry all of it. You do the extra work, pull your weight the best you can, take 3 hours to do the work someone else could do in two. And at the end of the day, you find a way to be okay with whatever the result is.

And when it’s all done, you wash your hands of it and move on to the next one.

But in all of this relentless grind that comes to be a big part of most of our lives, the big question I think is when do we stop?

Movies & social media are very good at motivating us to keep going until we get what we want. Every Rocky movie ever made is pretty much about that. Work hard, push past your limits, show spirit, do what no one thought you could do. And then win the big fight no one thought you could. Which is amazing in the moment – camera flashing and people cheering for you. You’re an icon, an inspiration.

Growing up I thought these were the coolest movies. And now the unrealistic and unsustainable nature of this grind just doesn’t sit right with me.

Work hard to achieve something is a simple lesson that I think we all have heard in some shape or form over the course of our lives. But no one really talks about when to give up for the day. And I get it – the greats never give up. To become something requires you to sacrifice and be consistent. I’m not denying any of that. I’m talking about those moments when we push past our empty tank of gas. When the cup is empty and there’s nothing left to give. But some ridiculous notion of a grind, keeps you pushing until it puts you out of order.

And that’s why that time stopping fantasy feels like a cry for help. Because if I had stopped time, it would not have been to work more. But rather to stop myself. To give myself time to feel the immensity of the burdens and sleep for some time without the shame of being late or behind. And finally yes get the work done. And then I’d start the clock and say, “Look – the work is all done in time”

And I’d think to myself – “…and doing it did not cost me my body and mind”

But as blessed we are to be human beings with amazing abilities and spirit, stopping the world and time is not an option.

We have the same amount of time everyday and the world never stops. Which is why at some point, we must.

To be limitless, to accomplish everything, to have all the answers. None of these define the human experience. These are ideals that we think would make our life easier, and so we tack them on to superheroes who can do all of these things. As a person who must live their day-to-day completely human however, wisdom lies not in wishing for what you can’t have, but nurturing your soul with what you have been given.

A limited mind and body, contrary to how it sounds, is the key to a peaceful existence. Because to be limitless, would be constant activity, achieving everything you set your mind to, and then to the next and the next. Over and over again. Everything your mind could conceive, you would do. You would either run out of things to do or simply never stop. Either way, your existence would fade into a blur without meaning. How could anything hold significance if you just did everything?

But to be limited in mind and body; To have a limited existence allows for significance to emerge. Daylight is significant because it waxes and wanes. Love is significant because those we love eventually leave us. Time is significant because we only have so much of it.

And that is our blessing.

A limited life is one where you have to choose the important things. As the world refuses to stop around us, we lay our heads down each night as a reflection of our limited lives.

An empty cup fills up again. But it feels no shame from the fact that it is empty regardless of how thirsty the drinker is. It simply has the wisdom to know that it can give no more until it is filled again.

May we all drink in this wisdom. Once the cup is full, of course.

Can you hear it?

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Imagine a scenario where you are on a bus with a friend. It’s a daily commute and recently they’ve been quite distracted. They’re fairly online and sometimes have headphones on. You try initiating conversations, sharing how you’re feeling and checking in. But lately they don’t seem very interested in what you have to say or how you feel.

You know you have value in their life because they’ve constantly relied on you to get them through the day. But that still doesn’t stop them ignoring you from time to time. Yet you choose to always be there for them. Frankly, without you, your friend wouldn’t make it. They just don’t realize how much they need you.

One such day, you find that something is very wrong with them. Something related to their health that has them on edge. But instead of dealing with it, they’re choosing to distract themselves and ignoring it. You have the foresight to know what’s coming and you try to warn them. But something strange is going on. Every time you try to warn them, this strange tone fills their ears. Like they’re deaf to you. You warn them over and over again. Poke them, prod and even try to shake them up a little. But they seem completely oblivious.

Deep down you begin to realize, they won’t stop until it’s very late and the damage has been done.

And suddenly you collapse. Now they look at you, and they are visibly and rightfully scared. If only they had looked up, stopped and listened.

——

Now if this exchange sounds dramatic to you, you must be new to my work. I’m just embracing what comes up and this scenario is one between a person and their body. Now take a minute and reread it.

I grant you. This is not the most common scenario but it also isn’t unheard of. Have you recently pushed past a warning your body gave you to either work, or continue pushing yourself in some other way?

If you haven’t, kudos. If you have, well you’re not alone.

The scenario stands on its own and I’m not writing this post to give advice about work-life balance and where to draw the line between pushing your body for a priority versus listening to it. That’s for each of you to decide and if I ever look into it deeper, I will share some insights should I feel the need to.

But the whole listening to your body concept. I can certainly tell you how I go about it (when I actually do it). I can tell you I’m trying to do it more and more.

Yesterday I meditated after a long time. And I’d actually forgotten all the old feelings it brought with it. See I remember doing it by myself for the longest time before I met my wife or had dogs. But even then distractions would creep in, and I would find ways to turn my attention momentarily, acknowledge that my thought had drifted and then slowly find my way back. That, I have learned is the whole point of meditation. With a puppy bouncing around me yesterday, I had to do the process multiple times as she tried to settle down around me over the 20 minutes of meditation. Which is the length of my meditation playlist. For you gamers, I meditate to select songs from the The Last of Us pt2 soundtrack.

For 20 minutes, my eyes were closed, I focused on my breathing, and I paid attention to the sensations through my body and the external surroundings but always came back to the breathing.

Now in contrast I think of if I had spent that time online or scrolling. That same amount of time would have flown by so fast and with so little insignificance, I could not categorize it as anything other than time wasted.

Today, instead of scrolling on the weekend morning which as I told myself in the past is a harmless weekend morning ritual. I listened to some music. Which I know doesn’t sound like some big behavior-breaking technique. But I genuinely just sat down and put on some music and listened to it. And I don’t mean as a side activity while I was doing dishes or cleaning. Just listening. And I can honestly say it made a difference.

Can’t recall how long I sat there but I’m glad I did. And that will just be another way I spent a little less time online.

See I’ve noticed about human behavior that when we see someone slowing down consciously, it goes against some inner law that we are following. A law that says getting more things done in a short period of time is a good thing. Like the feeling you get when you carry all the grocery bags in one trip. Like instead of watching a 2-hour video on trees, you would rather watch 50 reels on 50 different things. Because that jumping from one thing to the other has somehow become the norm instead of slowing down and doing one thing for a significant period So that it may have some meaningful impact on our life.

My dad always told me – Carry one thing with two hands. Not two things with one hand.

And I see it more and more. I am conscious of the limited time I have and I don’t feel that urge to fill it up with as much content and experiences as possible. Rather I try to focus on the quality of those experiences. Stopping to ask why am I doing this and if I even want to do this?

Do you do things just because everyone around you is doing them? Do you ever stop and listen internally if you even want to be a part of that crowd? It’s not easy. I will give you that. Social acceptance is the weak medicine we all think sustains us. I can honestly tell you without even knowing you, you are very unique and it might just be holding you back.

If there is something you would like to take from this, find something you like doing and for a short moment of time, do only that. Think about it as you do it. The effect it has on you. Why you love it. And how you feel given that you have allowed yourself the time to do it.

I hope it changes your day and your perspective, like it does for me.