Category: Introspection

You or the world

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Growing up I had this fantasy which now that I think of it, I can’t be the only one who thought of it – that I could stop time. That maybe I had a day left to do a task that would take a whole week. But I could just stop time, oblivious to everyone else who was paused, and then I’d have endless hours to accomplish the task. It would be my superpower.

The fantasy itself is laughable; but I also see now that in some ways it’s a cry for help. Not having enough time to do everything you are supposed to do is a problem that plagues most of us I think. And why wouldn’t it? We are supposed to live very full lives to be responsible and socially acceptable human beings. Work 8 hours, sleep for 6-8 hours, workout three to four times a week, cook at home more, pursue your passions, clean the house, do laundry, find time to meditate, walk the dogs if you have them, check in with friends, go to family dinners, make sure you stay on top of finances. It’s an endless list.

We all just simply choose which aspects to give more time to. Because the clock doesn’t stop and 24 hours is all we have.

This past week, I gave a lot of time to my work because I needed to. I won’t go into specifics but rest assured it was a long hard grind to achieve a goal.

Now when you’re in the middle of one of those grinds, what you would like to be is someone who’s on top of things and is managing everything well. Who’s putting in the extra time, making that extra time count, and ultimately just being a positive, efficient addition to the team. But for me reality doesn’t always strike that way. Things take the time they take and the path you walk is not always the most efficient one. It’s never personal, but unrelated thoughts and anxieties creep in and then you do the best you can while you carry all of it. You do the extra work, pull your weight the best you can, take 3 hours to do the work someone else could do in two. And at the end of the day, you find a way to be okay with whatever the result is.

And when it’s all done, you wash your hands of it and move on to the next one.

But in all of this relentless grind that comes to be a big part of most of our lives, the big question I think is when do we stop?

Movies & social media are very good at motivating us to keep going until we get what we want. Every Rocky movie ever made is pretty much about that. Work hard, push past your limits, show spirit, do what no one thought you could do. And then win the big fight no one thought you could. Which is amazing in the moment – camera flashing and people cheering for you. You’re an icon, an inspiration.

Growing up I thought these were the coolest movies. And now the unrealistic and unsustainable nature of this grind just doesn’t sit right with me.

Work hard to achieve something is a simple lesson that I think we all have heard in some shape or form over the course of our lives. But no one really talks about when to give up for the day. And I get it – the greats never give up. To become something requires you to sacrifice and be consistent. I’m not denying any of that. I’m talking about those moments when we push past our empty tank of gas. When the cup is empty and there’s nothing left to give. But some ridiculous notion of a grind, keeps you pushing until it puts you out of order.

And that’s why that time stopping fantasy feels like a cry for help. Because if I had stopped time, it would not have been to work more. But rather to stop myself. To give myself time to feel the immensity of the burdens and sleep for some time without the shame of being late or behind. And finally yes get the work done. And then I’d start the clock and say, “Look – the work is all done in time”

And I’d think to myself – “…and doing it did not cost me my body and mind”

But as blessed we are to be human beings with amazing abilities and spirit, stopping the world and time is not an option.

We have the same amount of time everyday and the world never stops. Which is why at some point, we must.

To be limitless, to accomplish everything, to have all the answers. None of these define the human experience. These are ideals that we think would make our life easier, and so we tack them on to superheroes who can do all of these things. As a person who must live their day-to-day completely human however, wisdom lies not in wishing for what you can’t have, but nurturing your soul with what you have been given.

A limited mind and body, contrary to how it sounds, is the key to a peaceful existence. Because to be limitless, would be constant activity, achieving everything you set your mind to, and then to the next and the next. Over and over again. Everything your mind could conceive, you would do. You would either run out of things to do or simply never stop. Either way, your existence would fade into a blur without meaning. How could anything hold significance if you just did everything?

But to be limited in mind and body; To have a limited existence allows for significance to emerge. Daylight is significant because it waxes and wanes. Love is significant because those we love eventually leave us. Time is significant because we only have so much of it.

And that is our blessing.

A limited life is one where you have to choose the important things. As the world refuses to stop around us, we lay our heads down each night as a reflection of our limited lives.

An empty cup fills up again. But it feels no shame from the fact that it is empty regardless of how thirsty the drinker is. It simply has the wisdom to know that it can give no more until it is filled again.

May we all drink in this wisdom. Once the cup is full, of course.

Pick your battles

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Have you ever been in the shower or on your commute and imagined having a perfect argument? One where you make such sound and perfect arguments that the other person is struck speechless. For any young readers, I mean an argument that would be unanimously declared “savage” by your peers.

Well, I’ve done those before. Day dreamed of that perfect combination of words that change minds, moods and mindsets.

Sadly, I must inform you that those are only dreams. Reality is not the flavour you expect it to be. As I grow up, I find that I wake up with a finite and often startlingly little amount of energy. This is spent on dogs, work, conversations, reminding myself I don’t need more tech (for now) and finally, time with loved ones. The last one is what I try and save most of it for, to be honest.

Now, on any given day there’s quite a few opportunities for me to engage in ‘winnable” situations – mostly things like what show to watch, or whether we should watch the new Deadpool movie, do the dogs need another accessory, do we really need to go to that dinner. The more serious ones I won’t name but all relationships suffer from those moments where the other takes a position that you don’t agree with.

The more serious moments can be frustrating. In my experience, those moments where someone cannot share your viewpoint is like standing at the edge of steep hill when you cannot see the bottom.

You can jump into a conversation or you can walk away.

I’ve known both kinds of people. Those who rarely engage and those who have commandeered entire meals to make sure they prove their viewpoint to be the only one worth having.

Honestly, you gotta pick your battles.

I respect someone who stands up for what they believe in, but when the food is getting cold and you’ve scrolled most of Netflix trying not to watch what your partner wants to watch – that battle is no longer worth winning. Put on their movie and eat your dinner. You’ll be done in ten minutes, anyways.

It is the naive mindset that tries to win every situation because their worth is linked to how correct everyone else thinks they are. Or yet worse, it is linked to how wrong they can prove others.

To know when it is not worth it, is a skill I hope you all work on. To spare yourself the effort of explaining yourself to one who will not understand. Avoid wielding logic in a situation spurned by emotion. Run from those who sink low to win, lest you find yourself sinking lower. And in the face of blatant ignorance and blind belief, nod or better yet, stay silent. To avoid starting some battles, is a victory in itself, I have learned.

In many ways, I link this to self-care. Care about your self enough to know when to engage, when to step back and if you’re like me, when to send a long letter explaining how you feel so you can’t be interrupted by those incapable of listening.

In no time, we’ll all end up veterans of those small everyday battles. Scarred from the wrong ones, glad for the right ones, and happy about the times we picked peace over pride.

What say you

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Most days I can sum up my existence as how I respond to what happens.

And it’s fairly straightforward sometimes – smile when I see my dogs, laugh when my wife is being goofy, nervous when work is super busy and excited on Friday evenings for the weekend.

I suppose those are your basic responses to recurring events.

But then there’s the more complicated happenings of the world, which require responses beyond the usual or logical. Like when a friend breaks your heart. Or you discover a deep anxiety that leaves you scrambling. Or during friction in relationships caused by two people just being different.

These are the big leagues. And your responses become important. They determine the future of a relationship with someone else. And often, affect your relationship with yourself.

Responses in these situations are not just verbal. But your actions, inaction, silence or, if you are of the sort, your volume; all count as responses.

So what do you say? Or as they once put it – what say you?

I’m obviously not going to provide a one answer solution to all earthly situations.

But I suppose we could consider what a response needs. Let’s start simple – thought. We need to think about what we say before we say it. Words like many stores, have a no-return policy. You are much better off taking time to think or better yet, asking for time to think about your response. If your response is to a person, it shows you care enough about them to consider your words. 

A second important one would be – truth. Will you be honest or will you lie? I’ll leave this one alone, as grey areas are highly situational. But truth is preferable, I am told by many.

While there’s many things to consider, I’ll cap it at three – perspective. Try to think from many sides. Other shoes can be too small or too big, and you don’t need to walk a mile. But try them on for a moment, just to see what it looks like for them.

Okay this one is too important to miss – so I’ll leave it at four. Values. I sincerely hope you are someone with values, some sort of a code. Not complicated, but important I’ve found. Like an inner compass. Your responses to what life throws at you, have to align with who you are as a person. I guess this can be summed up as – be yourself. I say this in the hopes you are a good person, so this one is on you.

I feel like I’ve gone deeper than usual, but I’m finding my way back to writing, so take what you will and leave the rest ^^

In closing, I’ll say this. Whatever you do or say, sometimes it may feel like it won’t matter. And yeah, if the sun explodes later today, I suppose it won’t. But until that time, as you and I live our lives, we do so holding hands with the consequences of our actions. It’s not about always doing or saying the correct thing. That’s unrealistic.

No, it’s about who you choose to be everyday. And how every decision, weaves the fabric of you!