Category: Motivation

Pick your battles

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Have you ever been in the shower or on your commute and imagined having a perfect argument? One where you make such sound and perfect arguments that the other person is struck speechless. For any young readers, I mean an argument that would be unanimously declared “savage” by your peers.

Well, I’ve done those before. Day dreamed of that perfect combination of words that change minds, moods and mindsets.

Sadly, I must inform you that those are only dreams. Reality is not the flavour you expect it to be. As I grow up, I find that I wake up with a finite and often startlingly little amount of energy. This is spent on dogs, work, conversations, reminding myself I don’t need more tech (for now) and finally, time with loved ones. The last one is what I try and save most of it for, to be honest.

Now, on any given day there’s quite a few opportunities for me to engage in ‘winnable” situations – mostly things like what show to watch, or whether we should watch the new Deadpool movie, do the dogs need another accessory, do we really need to go to that dinner. The more serious ones I won’t name but all relationships suffer from those moments where the other takes a position that you don’t agree with.

The more serious moments can be frustrating. In my experience, those moments where someone cannot share your viewpoint is like standing at the edge of steep hill when you cannot see the bottom.

You can jump into a conversation or you can walk away.

I’ve known both kinds of people. Those who rarely engage and those who have commandeered entire meals to make sure they prove their viewpoint to be the only one worth having.

Honestly, you gotta pick your battles.

I respect someone who stands up for what they believe in, but when the food is getting cold and you’ve scrolled most of Netflix trying not to watch what your partner wants to watch – that battle is no longer worth winning. Put on their movie and eat your dinner. You’ll be done in ten minutes, anyways.

It is the naive mindset that tries to win every situation because their worth is linked to how correct everyone else thinks they are. Or yet worse, it is linked to how wrong they can prove others.

To know when it is not worth it, is a skill I hope you all work on. To spare yourself the effort of explaining yourself to one who will not understand. Avoid wielding logic in a situation spurned by emotion. Run from those who sink low to win, lest you find yourself sinking lower. And in the face of blatant ignorance and blind belief, nod or better yet, stay silent. To avoid starting some battles, is a victory in itself, I have learned.

In many ways, I link this to self-care. Care about your self enough to know when to engage, when to step back and if you’re like me, when to send a long letter explaining how you feel so you can’t be interrupted by those incapable of listening.

In no time, we’ll all end up veterans of those small everyday battles. Scarred from the wrong ones, glad for the right ones, and happy about the times we picked peace over pride.

Peace in your battles

HarkrishanLeave a comment

It’s been a while but today I am thinking about peace. And how we get to it.

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered how they’re keeping it together when you’re falling apart? In our relentless pursuit towards success, a job, financial goals and whatnot, how do we find peace? When do we find peace?

The battles we face are never-ending. You will never have everything entirely sorted exactly how you want it. If you did, honestly there wouldn’t be anything to live for. But lucky for us, we do have our battles. With school, work, friends, family, health or even with ourselves. And don’t be fooled, that person who you think is doing so well, is facing something too. They aren’t perfect and if you wish you could have their life, it would simply replace your battles, not put an end to them.

So where does peace fit in all this?

If you ask me, right in the middle. Of every battle. Of every week. Of every day.

You have to find peace in your battles.

I sometimes look at everything that is going on and my to-do lists. Daily lists and life goals list. And I just put them down and take a walk. I get tired of waiting for battles to end and peace to come, so I create it when I need it. And yes, I could spend that time continuing to struggle so I can finish sooner or do better. But, what is the point? I’m never going to be done.

So, you either sit around waiting for a 2-day break between work projects when you can hike, eat or hang out or you find peace within those battles. I see it as separating yourself from your conflict. You are not your conflicts. What happens in the world around you is merely happening to you. It is not you. This is perhaps one the most liberating thoughts I have ever come across. In the midst of a bad week, it helps me find peace. Peace to me is reading, walking, volunteering at Toastmasters and catching up with those I care about.

Here’s a simple example – going to sleep. How often do you go to sleep stressed because of how your day went? Or thinking about all the work you have to do tomorrow? Feel free to lie to me, but respect yourself enough to admit it internally. And how does that help? You carry your battles to bed and it affects how much you sleep, how well you sleep and overall, your health. In carrying on with your battles at a time meant for peace, you harm your capacity to continue the struggle tomorrow.

Peace isn’t what you’re fighting for. It’s not the end result and it’s not your trophy for finishing first. Rather, it can be your path once it is ingrained in your process. So find peace in your battles. In your weeks. In your days.

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

Buddha

Growth isn’t linear

Harkrishan2 Comments 
I wish I could walk a straight path
From where I am to where I'll be
But winds and storms, they had their say
And I ended up by the sea

I walked and walked the sandy shores
In search of another face
One who walked a path like mine
And hopefully at a similar pace

My path was desolate, empty and bleak
Not another soul I came across
I went where the winds carried me
My loneliness was my loss

Up and down I went, hither and thither
Often two steps backward lost,
I wondered why it must be so
My insides turned and tossed

In my search for a path to follow,
Or footsteps I could pursue
I didn't notice how far I'd come
Or the path I'd forged anew

A path made of my own mistakes
My trials and my tribulations
As messy and winding it may have been
It was a path of my own creation

I walked it alone as I started
And lonesome, I walk it now
For no one has ever been me before
That, nature simply cannot allow

I set out wishing a straight path
And now I'm thankful for it all
The twists and turns, the ups and downs
They're my own and now I stand tall