Category: Motivation

Lost and found

Harkrishan1 Comment

Today, I am thinking about the lives we lead, and why we lead them the way we do.

Some of us are luckier than others. We have people around us who give advice, guide us and show us the path forward. They tell us stories of what’s happened to them and others they know. They steer us or rather ask us to steer in the paths they feel are safe and logical. They see it as them doing us a service or maybe just making sure we don’t lose our way. Or even lose ourselves in our poor decisions.

As good as that sounds, is that for the best? How do you define whether something is “for the best”? By whose definition? Theirs or yours?

Being confused about the way forward is natural. We all face cross-roads and sometimes there’s paths leading every which way. In such moments, it’s hard to face those decisions alone and we wish we had someone to tell us what to do. Because let’s face it. No one likes making the wrong decision. You end up wasting time, money and sometimes hurting people in the process. Even yourself.

It then seems logical that you should make the right choice as often as you can. But, every now and then, you might find yourself at a point where what should seem right & logical doesn’t feel right. What do you do then? How do you deny logic and good sense? How do you talk yourself out of a step that makes sense? Would you even try to?

I don’t know. I wish I did.

We all struggle to find ourselves. Bits and pieces come together over the years to form a complete person. Like a puzzle of sorts. And every now and then, you find a perfect piece that would fit you well. Like that perfectly symmetrical corner piece that makes you feel a step closer to finishing the puzzle. But, what if your final shape wasn’t meant to be the perfect square that puzzle makers advertise? What if your corner piece is a star or a cube or a pyramid? How many of us muster the courage to ignore the logically sound corner piece and go with something else?

Here’s a scary thought. If finding yourself is the goal, then surely losing yourself is a part of that journey.

There’s nothing logical about losing yourself. The world and the people around you will not be compassionate as you do so. Chances are they will try and fix you. They may point at and criticize others who have been lost a long time. They will show you perfect puzzle people who look like they have it all. And you may choose to let someone hold your hand and take you along the “right” way. There is no shame in that. But I cannot promise that there will be no regret. That will be up to you.

Losing yourself to find yourself is a terrifying prospect. For me personally, the scary part isn’t whether I will be able to find myself. It’s whether I will have the courage to allow myself to be lost in the first place. To spend time figuring out what shape of puzzle piece I am.

That is what I must face. And it terrifies me.

Baby steps

Harkrishan1 Comment

I’ve recently found myself using the phrase ‘baby steps’ more and more in conversations. It comes up mostly whenever I am talking about rough/unproductive days and is surprisingly effective at getting the message across. The phrase just feels right. Despite the adorable nature of the phrase and setting aside mental images of pudgy babies stumbling around, let me tell you why I find it to be such an effective way to express myself.

As grown ups, we find ourselves juggling multiple things at the same time all the time. Take me right now. Currently, I am trying to study for school, to actively participate in two Toastmasters clubs, to find time to read, do laundry, meet up/stay in touch with friends after making promises and mostly to keep this blog running. I bet your schedule is way busier but I have trouble getting all of mine done as it is. As a result, I usually end up dropping the ball on something. An assignment left for the last minute, missing a Toastmasters meeting because I was working on the assignment till 3am or even just having a slow day when nothing gets done.

Now wind the clock all the way back to when you were learning how to walk. You were most likely bumping into stuff, relying on things for support and losing your balance after every few steps. Probably fell on your butt more than a few times and woke the neighbours up. But the point is you dropped the ball a lot of times. But, at that age it isn’t seen as wrongful or disappointing that you do. Instead, the act of taking baby steps is translated to “slowly but surely getting to where you want to be.” Literally.

I don’t mean to compare your difficult classes or hectic work projects to a baby walking but rather to how you treat yourself when you stumble. To me personally, the phrase articulates that I’m learning to be the version of myself that can manage my workload perfectly. A version that gets his school readings done on time so he can get to other readings of a more fictional nature. A version that checks up on his friends and gets the laundry done on time.

I think we’re all trying to be that person who can get all of our work done perfectly, but we’re just not there yet. We drop the ball because we’re human. And that can make someone think badly of themselves. Rather, think of those tough days as baby steps. Small, unsteady but necessary steps leading to a future where you get to walk down whatever path you choose. Literally.

So, don’t hate the unproductive days. Don’t hate yourself on those days. And if you ever find yourself on the floor after taking a fall, just remember.

Baby steps!

As it is

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Change is the only constant. I miss the days when this meant simpler things like transitioning from high school to university or finally moving out of your parents house to start a new life of your own. Such changes are so common that we’ve made our peace with them. We know that they must happen and only a handful try to resist these natural changes.

When it was my time to leave home, I made peace with the fact that it was an important change for me. I was to gain an education, learn to be independent and start my journey. Keeping all these things in mind, I went with the flow and let the waters take me where they may. I’ll admit, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows but then, change never is. We just need to accept it, the good and bad included. Now, this was an example of a change we all look forward to. I know that someday I’ll move from being a student to a working individual. I might re-locate in the course of a job. And after a few decades of service, I’ll retire. These are all changes that we can anticipate and often prepare for. And once you make those transitions, you simply be at peace with the happenings and let the waters flow as they may.

But what about those unprecedented changes we can’t see coming? A pandemic, maybe?

How is the world supposed to cope with everything that has happened? I won’t go on to list all the things that aren’t the same, but we all have some idea of what these are. These were the changes we never saw coming. But now they’re here. I can’t fly home for the summer. And it’s inconvenient and downright unfair. I have half a mind to rant and rage against everything that isn’t what it used to be. Some might even advocate to bring life back to what used to be “normal”. Somewhere in my heart, though, I know that this might be the new normal. The change has happened and our minds want us to fight the flow because it’s all new un-chartered territory.

Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.

Wayne Dyer

I think it’s time we stopped resisting and waiting for things to go back to normal. I’m tired of being angry at a virus. This is what it is. Just go with the flow.