Tag: choice

For whom?

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Today, I am in search of clarity. I am struggling with something fundamental – the balance between living for myself and living for others. My search for this balance. And my desperate hope that this balance exists.

We come into this world all loud and fussy. And then we find our people; who raise us in the best ways they can. Sometimes it isn’t much and sometimes it’s a whole lot. And we grow up and learn things in ways that seem best to those who bring us into this world. But, after a certain point you become your own person, or at least I hope everyone does.

To me, the world looks the way it does because of how I choose to look at it. I nurture interests, passions, ideas, plans, timelines as I go along. I try and hold up a compass of my own making to see what feels right and what doesn’t. And though I am blessed with family, mentors and supporters, I am still trying to forge my own path. I want to gravitate towards the things I love. Not just to make time for them, but to build my life around them. To make them what my life is all about.

But every now and then crossroads emerge and choices are put in front of me. The one I am thinking about right now is of that sort.

Being my own person is important to me. Honouring my calling, what makes me happy and who makes me happy – they all fall under being my own person. These are acts that originate from me and may or may not receive the support or blessing of those I consider my supporters. But, I also see the importance in giving back to those who have given to me. I do this by valuing their opinions, their advice and their wishes.

But what do I do when these two appear as a fork in my road? What do I do when I must choose between what I want and what is expected of me?

To live for oneself is a wondrous notion, but to do so at the expense of opposing/rejecting what is expected of you is an equally abhorrent one. I wish I could have both of these align in all the choices that I make but I realize that such a utopia is not yet here. I am of this world and I must live in it.

While this isn’t an answer, this is what I have for you.

We cannot make everyone happy. And we cannot return everything that was bestowed on us by walking a path that isn’t our own. That would dishonour the efforts of those who raise us. We can only hope to find our path and have faith that those closest to us will see it as the best we are capable of.

To expect or not

Harkrishan2 Comments

Expectation is the thief of joy. It is the root of all heartache. Some well-known people came up with these quotes and with good reason, I have learned. But it is so easy to expect, is it not?

How that interview will go? How an exam will go? How that date will go?

We tend to attach expectations to many parts of our lives. It becomes an involuntary reflex at one point. We unconsciously weave our expectations into our minds and conversations. And why? Simply because we wish for things to go our way.

We want that job, that high grade, that good night kiss.

It’s entirely human and I don’t fault anyone for expecting a certain outcome. But, I must concur that it does often lead to heartache. It is a simple truth we choose to ignore. That we expect something, and we might just get something else. The heartache comes when we pin all our hopes on something working out. When the possibility of it not going our way is too painful to bear. Have you ever held such unrealistic expectations of yourself? Or of someone else? How did that go?

To me, it sounds like such a burden. To pray for a certain path and be in fear and dread of another, with no way of knowing which you’ll have to take. And that sorrowful statement raises the question: to expect or not?

I favor the latter. Don’t expect. To get that job. To get that grade. Or to get that good night kiss.

Try having faith instead.

Try believing that whatever the outcome is, things will work out for you. No matter which path you are forced to take, you will find your way. Faith has carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life. I knew things could easily go wrong, so I had faith that no matter what happened, I’d still make it. That I’d still be standing at the end of the day, ready to face the next.

I am not preaching religion here. I am not much for religion myself. This can be something entirely different. This can replace the dread of an outcome with the assurance of recovery. It is simply, the hope that everything happens for a reason. And that whether we can understand it or not; whether we can appreciate it or not; it is leading us through our journey.

Faith is not easy. You may still be put down by what falls in your hands. But faith provides a way forward. More than anything, it brings peace. Imagine a life where whatever is to come tomorrow doesn’t bother you today. You are at peace with yourself because it will be alright. You can appreciate today for all it holds. And you will find your way through tomorrow, regardless of what it has in store for you.

Like I said, try having faith!