Tag: Human nature

After a year

Harkrishan1 Comment

It has been close to a year since I last wrote on here. A lot has changed. I have changed. But I don’t remember deciding to stop writing. I know I pulled my computer to me on several occasions. But what I poured into the page didn’t seem right. Maybe I should’ve posted it anyways. There was some good stuff on there and maybe you would’ve liked it. But that’s behind us. And I’ve got things on my mind today.

Today, I’m thinking of how I used to sit with myself. Or walk with myself on that one trail back in Guelph. I’ve done that since but I feel like there’s been very few such days. I remember those moments. I saw the same path dry, muddy, snowed in and slippery. And as I walked through the woods, so much would come up inside me. Conversations, school work, thing’s I’d put off, how I hadn’t called someone back. But for the most part, it was the disconnect of it all. Even though I saw others on those paths, I thought of them as mine. Mine to escape to. Sometimes I went on a walk when I didn’t want to study or work on a project. Other times just listening to an audiobook. It was one of my most cherished experiences. And I miss it.

In the days since I’ve last written, much has been a blur. I don’t mean that negatively. You know when you start doing something and it’s sunny outside and after a while you look up and it’s dark and hours have passed. It’s like that, really. Only for me, it’s looking inward. And weeks or months have passed. Like I skipped time just living it but not thinking about it. I think it’s because my life is more full than it once used to be. I have loved ones I live more closely with than I did throughout university. I have a full-time job. And the little time I have in my evenings, I’ve spent looking outwards not inwards. I don’t regret it. I did the best I could.

In the last year, I’ve met many new people and had new and interesting social interactions. And I’m happy to say that for the most part, they haven’t been difficult. I attended a few weddings which were perhaps the most eye-opening social experiences. I’ve never been one for dressing up or making small-talk and I’m glad to say I only had to do the former. Conversations happen whether or not you struggle to participate and when I heard something I was interested in, I jumped right in. But my favourite moment had to be at a wedding in a greenhouse, where my partner and I just walked amongst the plants outdoors. It was a hot summer day and we spent a long time out there talking horticulture. It seems ridiculous to me just how much she knows about plants but then again, I could quote all the Harry Potter movies so who am I to talk.

There’s much else that’s happened but I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead before I decide this last half hour’s work isn’t “right” and end up adding it to my drafts.

I hope to write more soon.

To be human

HarkrishanLeave a comment 
to bear necessary struggle with
discomfort etched in each moment
to sleep away today's defeat and
dream of miracles tomorrow

to harbour love for the world but
detest at your own shadow
to look outward scrambling for
fear of looking inwards

to survive ordeals and trials with
all the courage mustered
to engrave harsh lessons on inner walls so 
they may bear tomorrow's winds

to travel far; weather your soul as
what's left behind aches
to look back, ahead and within; not
knowing which path beckons loudest

to seek a heart that beats in
a way close to your own
to dread failing fragile bonds that
bind souls and journeys alike

to question ones existence through
sun, rain, cloud and dark
to be human in every moment yet
forget that truth time and time again

Own the experience

Harkrishan1 Comment

Today, I am thinking about our experiences, especially those that make us happy or fulfilled or make us feel connected. This experience could be a new restaurent, a trip somewhere or even your culture.

Some experiences we are born into, like those around us or our environment. These, we we have little control over. At least until we are old enough to start venturing outwards to what feels right or exciting or promising. We reach out and embrace new experiences for all they could hold for us. They could range from life-changing to meh. Ironically, sometimes a walk, a meal or a conversation can be life-changing and travel can be just meh. Depends on you, I suppose.

The joy or sadness we get out of an experience is our own, but it is all too natural to want to share it with someone. I sometimes read a book and immediately wish there was someone else who had read it too. We could talk about the characters, the themes and so much more. But, that’s me. You might like talking about travel, or your past semester or an upcoming milestone. The same extends to negative experiences. The hurt we take from those also feels better when it’s shared.

All in all, it feels pretty good to share both positive and negative experiences. But what do you do when you can’t?

Some people may choose to ignore, invalidate or dishonour your experiences, perhaps unintentionally. They simply might not agree with you. They may just be having a bad day. Or perhaps the emotion of your experience isn’t all that important to them. Whether done out of spite or unknowingly, it can hurt all the same.

In those times, I think it’s comforting to take refuge in our experiences and what they mean for us. The fact that we cannot share our stories does not diminish what they meant for us. It is simply a single avenue that may be closed off to us, but others exist. I like to write about my experiences. Some people scrapbook. Others simply reminisce over cups of tea.

Your experiences are your own. If I tried to explain why I choose to be spiritual or what it means to me, it could be exhausting for you to listen. But it is MY experience which means I can find solace in it like nobody else can. I find that to be a comforting thought. That while sharing is a happy act, a lack of it doesn’t invalidate what I take from any experience.

I invite you to honor your experiences, what they meant to you, what you took from them and carry them in whichever way you choose to. Own you experiences, even if sharing them is not always an option!