Tag: Human nature

To expect or not

Harkrishan2 Comments

Expectation is the thief of joy. It is the root of all heartache. Some well-known people came up with these quotes and with good reason, I have learned. But it is so easy to expect, is it not?

How that interview will go? How an exam will go? How that date will go?

We tend to attach expectations to many parts of our lives. It becomes an involuntary reflex at one point. We unconsciously weave our expectations into our minds and conversations. And why? Simply because we wish for things to go our way.

We want that job, that high grade, that good night kiss.

It’s entirely human and I don’t fault anyone for expecting a certain outcome. But, I must concur that it does often lead to heartache. It is a simple truth we choose to ignore. That we expect something, and we might just get something else. The heartache comes when we pin all our hopes on something working out. When the possibility of it not going our way is too painful to bear. Have you ever held such unrealistic expectations of yourself? Or of someone else? How did that go?

To me, it sounds like such a burden. To pray for a certain path and be in fear and dread of another, with no way of knowing which you’ll have to take. And that sorrowful statement raises the question: to expect or not?

I favor the latter. Don’t expect. To get that job. To get that grade. Or to get that good night kiss.

Try having faith instead.

Try believing that whatever the outcome is, things will work out for you. No matter which path you are forced to take, you will find your way. Faith has carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life. I knew things could easily go wrong, so I had faith that no matter what happened, I’d still make it. That I’d still be standing at the end of the day, ready to face the next.

I am not preaching religion here. I am not much for religion myself. This can be something entirely different. This can replace the dread of an outcome with the assurance of recovery. It is simply, the hope that everything happens for a reason. And that whether we can understand it or not; whether we can appreciate it or not; it is leading us through our journey.

Faith is not easy. You may still be put down by what falls in your hands. But faith provides a way forward. More than anything, it brings peace. Imagine a life where whatever is to come tomorrow doesn’t bother you today. You are at peace with yourself because it will be alright. You can appreciate today for all it holds. And you will find your way through tomorrow, regardless of what it has in store for you.

Like I said, try having faith!

When no one is looking

Harkrishan4 Comments

There was once a young man who was going through a bit of a financial crisis. He would spend the little money he earned, living an extravagant life he couldn’t afford. One fine day he turned up at his long-estranged parents’ house.

The mother took him in gladly, but the father took caution and wished to test the man his son had turned out to be after leaving his home for “better prospects” almost a decade ago. Not long after, the son approached his father with a business proposal. He asked his father to fund his venture and see his money triple in a year. The father agrees and takes the son into his study, where he unlocks the family safe with the son watching. The son is amazed at finding a huge amount of money in there and gladly takes the amount he needs.

But that night, as the son lied awake in bed, he could not help but think about the safe. About how he could always use some extra cash and how his old parents had no need of all of that money. He sneaks into his father’s study and finds the safe to be open. “The old man is getting too old”, he mused. He took as much as he could carry and once again, left the house he was born in, for “better prospects”.

The next day, the mother was horrified at what her son had done. But the father calmed her down and said, “That money went towards a good cause. I now know what kind of a man my son has grown to be. A man without integrity.”

How do you define integrity? Have you ever defined it? Let me help you.

Integrity is what you do when no one is looking.

In its purest form, it is a test of your actions when the world is not there to watch, judge or criticize. I don’t know about you, but my childhood was one of discipline as I waded my way through six years at a boarding school. It was made sure by someone that I took complete care of myself right from making my bed all the way to managing my studies efficiently. There was approval upon success and a scolding for every stumble. In short, I had someone making sure I grew up to be a responsible person. They tried their best.

But now as I live away from home in a city almost half a world away, I find myself to be free of constant supervision. My parents can not tell how I live my life now. Some of my friends envy this. I find it to be a burden. A heavy, yet a necessary one.

As I write this blog at 6:11am right now, I have no need to wake up early or go to school or do anything, to be honest. But because it is what I am supposed to do, because it is what my family entrusts me to do, it is what I must do. No matter how many alarms it takes.

When you find yourself in a situation where the only person aware of a decision is you, believe me, that is the toughest place to be. At that moment, “you” are the only one you can disappoint. But make the right choice and you will find a deep satisfaction like no other.

And here’s how. Most people that believe in you, be they family or friends usually hold you in a high place in their minds. They believe that you are a good person and that you will always do the right thing without bothering to find out whether you actually will. All you need to do is to become the person they already think you are.

If you take anything from this, take this.

A person with a whole lot of nothing to show for, but his integrity intact, has done quite well for himself.

Don’t be perfect

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I always loved watching sports movies. Rocky was one of my all-time favourites. It was about a man who trained hard and rose to the occasion. As I watch that movie again, it makes me want to do the same thing. Not take up boxing, but to work hard. Harder than anyone else. To make sure nothing can stand in my way. To be perfect.

Every single day, I want to be perfect. But I’m only human. So, sometimes I sleep through the alarm. Other days, a really good TV show brings me down. Sometimes, I don’t go on my run because I’m out of clean socks.

The next day, I judge myself for not being perfect yesterday.

What does it take to be perfect all the time? What do I have to give up to get there? And if I knew, would I give it up?

Storytime. Back in my boarding school days, I loved reading Harry Potter. Those pages sucked me in and I pored over those books for months on end. I read them in class. I read them while I ate. And I read them when I was supposed to be sleeping. And on one fine day, a teacher found me reading the book a day before a final. I got a nice long talk on how I should be focusing on my exams instead of on pish-posh like that. How that book wouldn’t get me anywhere in life, but the math textbook might. It was not a good day.

She told me that working towards a goal meant leaving everything else behind. And that, I truly believe, is the definition of being perfect. To be immaculate in everything you do. To leave behind tiny things that don’t concern your work. To be a flawless diamond as you walk through life.

No one should have to live like that. I’m done trying to live like that.

From now onwards the mantra is,

Do your best to be your best.

You might be tired of hearing me preach, but here’s another thought for you. If at any point in time you find yourself doing something wrong, or not doing something that you’re supposed to be doing. Take a second. Admit to yourself that you have messed up. And go do your best to make things right.

Trust me, it’s the best way to live.