My spirit having endured another few months away from writing, today I am thinking about my younger self and the writer he was.
I once had doubts, but I am now sure that I used to suffer from a hero complex. I wished to save people from what they were going through and I thought my writing (or my words) could do that. It did not stem from superiority, but rather from fear. It seemed easier to write words of inspiration than to address my own inadequacies. Looking around to provide comfort, however well-intentioned, does nothing to untangle our own inner knots.
Today, looking back, I have some advice for my past self.
It doesn’t answer the working on yourself bit. But something equally important. I’d like to tell him – You don’t know everything. You can’t see everything. Write what you know, what you see.
I spent a lot of time wondering how to appeal to the largest readership possible. I didn’t want anyone to NOT relate. I wanted everyone to feel seen, understood, and relieved. Trying to see things from every perspective is a laughable goal. Like trying to see the sunrise and sunset at the same time. We can’t even see what is in front and behind us at the same time.
Naivete is the only explanation. A childish thought: that I could at once appeal to everyone when humans have done such a stand up job drawing borders, dividing cultures and arguing over beliefs. But that’s a whole other sad set of stories.
As a writer, it is upon me to write from what I know. What I see. And only what I see.
Just as I wouldn’t presume to know what a fatigued mother of three kids is going through. Or what a young boy in a war-torn city is feeling. Or even know the person I will become in another ten years, if I am granted the time. I cannot know what any of them feel or need from my words.
I do feel sad that I cannot. Often times, I see my close ones going through something and realize there is little I can do to help. Recognizing when my words must be put away, and replaced with small helpful acts has been a great realization in recent times. This change goes far beyond just my writing. It resonates with what my better half has taught me – helping someone isn’t help when it’s on your terms. It must be about what they need. And whether you are capable of providing it.
A lesson in humility, then. To know what you can do. Accept what you cannot. And for me in particular, to write about what I see.
My goal is to see more of the world. To hear more stories, so I can write new ones. Things I have been shown.
Until then, I write what I see.
Pensive 