Tag: love

Boundaries

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Today, I am thinking about boundaries.

As someone who is open and friendly, setting boundaries was a difficult prospect for me. It sounded like locking a gate and stopping people from entering my life. Or even adding unnecessary distance that would only make things more difficult. Things are much clearer now. And I realize just how much I need them.

Boundaries are most difficult in happy and easy-going relationships. Because of all the happiness and the easy-going attitude. We begin to settle into what feels familiar and anything that emerges is labelled as the “byproduct of a happy relationship”. Despite arguments and disagreements, we may not acknowledge any discomfort that comes up. Because if the relationship is one full of love and happiness, why would there be discomfort? Well, because love is blind and happiness is relative.

And discomfort sneaks in when we forget these two key points.

Love is a powerful emotion. But it is not an entirely positive one. It extends from wanting the best for someone and having deep affection for them. But, often this is misinterpreted. Often, some fail to understand the distinction between wanting the best for someone and knowing what’s best for someone. They influence and direct (out of love, of course) their loved ones into paths they think lead to happiness. Or at least to their idea of happiness.

That is a point where boundaries are necessary. They are not an “I’m right and everyone else is wrong” zone where no one is allowed. They are a way of life that advertise the behaviours we are willing to accept around us.

This is not a caution to the wind approach. I am not advocating hasty and irresponsible life decisions. This is not about rejecting all advice, comments or opinions that differ from yours. Boundaries can take different kinds of shapes. The volumes at which you choose to have discussions. Whether or not a topic is open for discussion. The time you need to yourself. The type of language you prefer being used around you.

I see boundaries as defining the behaviours we accept around us. If someone’s actions don’t align with our boundaries, we don’t need to categorize them as “wrong”. Just as “wrong for us”. They do not need to understand our boundaries, merely to acknowledge and respect them. And we owe them the same for any boundaries they have.

Today, I am thinking about boundaries. And how they translate to self-care.

The Little Things

Harkrishan2 Comments

Have you ever thought of the grand scheme of things? Everything that is happening around us. The expanding universe, collapsing stars, natural disasters, epidemics, population surge, dying rainforests and so much more. There is so much that goes on around us all the time. So much input into our lives. So much that affects us. So much that we must respond to. So much that we live with.

So what difference do we make? Amidst all that’s happening, what can you or I do to make a difference? So much actually. Humans have so much potential to make a difference. Right from discovering fire to inventing the wheel. From predicting the weather to predicting how the universe expands. There’s actually people planning on how to move Earth’s populous to Mars someday. As humans, we have the capacity to do great things.

But there are things that matter more than these far reaching feats of humanity. Things much simpler and within the reach of every person.

Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found that it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

And that’s how you and I can make a difference. It’s the little acts. Pick up a piece of trash. Donate some clothes. Hold the door open for someone. Thank your server. Tell your loved ones what they mean to you. Be there for them.

Not all of us will be recognized by history as people who changed the world. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have the capacity to do so. We can do so much by doing so little. In my travels and experiences, I have been fortunate in meeting so many people. I have met some of my heroes. I have acquainted with fellow travellers. I have experienced different cultures. And in all my experiences, I remember the little things so well. The power of a small kind act is such that it can stay in someone’s memory for a long time. And perhaps, inspire them to carry it on.

In my mind, I know that I am not destined to be a great, well-known individual. In my heart, I am satisfied that I don’t need to be one to leave my mark on the world. It’s the little things.