Category: Mental Wellness

A win

HarkrishanLeave a comment

If we’re lucky, we have some loved ones. People we rely on or those that care about us. And it’s a good feeling.

On some days, though, I’m dealing with a deep unrest inside of me. And those go-to relationships don’t seem like the beacons of support they usually are. Because I feel incapable of reaching out to them. 

It is a strange feeling that takes me occasionally and it feels that way tonight. This post is my attempt at a solution.

My writing has always been a very personal outlet. I’ve not often been able to write on topics people recommend I explore. No matter how intriguing or cogent, the words do not flow until I have thought about it myself. But, back to it. I write tonight to tackle that feeling of unrest by occupying myself with an activity for which I do not need another person. 

And the relief I feel as I write this reminds me – it is so important to have a space that consists of just you. Whether it’s an activity, a certain ambient environment. A space that consists of just you is familiar. It is uncomplicated. I sincerely hope you have a space like that. And if not, think about what it might be. 

My space consists of Harry Potter audiobooks, a playlist of The Last of Us 2 game soundtrack and walks. Physically, I prefer to be by myself when I am in my space. That is not to say I want to escape interactions. It’s like sleep. It’s a form of rest and it can’t be done while your mind is half here and half there. 

A yet harder step is to recognize the need to access your space. I’ve had many occasions where I have instead resorted to just putting something on TV I’m barely watching while scrolling on my phone. Or making a huge plate of food that I will not feel good after. I find myself jumping from one activity to another not gaining any semblance of content out of them. And that leads to self-doubt. Why can’t I get enjoyment out of these? What’s wrong with me?

The road you take to make yourself feel whole takes work to define. And it takes more work to consciously choose that road over others again and again. I am happy with my choice tonight.

After a long day, I will take this win.

Peace in your battles

HarkrishanLeave a comment

It’s been a while but today I am thinking about peace. And how we get to it.

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered how they’re keeping it together when you’re falling apart? In our relentless pursuit towards success, a job, financial goals and whatnot, how do we find peace? When do we find peace?

The battles we face are never-ending. You will never have everything entirely sorted exactly how you want it. If you did, honestly there wouldn’t be anything to live for. But lucky for us, we do have our battles. With school, work, friends, family, health or even with ourselves. And don’t be fooled, that person who you think is doing so well, is facing something too. They aren’t perfect and if you wish you could have their life, it would simply replace your battles, not put an end to them.

So where does peace fit in all this?

If you ask me, right in the middle. Of every battle. Of every week. Of every day.

You have to find peace in your battles.

I sometimes look at everything that is going on and my to-do lists. Daily lists and life goals list. And I just put them down and take a walk. I get tired of waiting for battles to end and peace to come, so I create it when I need it. And yes, I could spend that time continuing to struggle so I can finish sooner or do better. But, what is the point? I’m never going to be done.

So, you either sit around waiting for a 2-day break between work projects when you can hike, eat or hang out or you find peace within those battles. I see it as separating yourself from your conflict. You are not your conflicts. What happens in the world around you is merely happening to you. It is not you. This is perhaps one the most liberating thoughts I have ever come across. In the midst of a bad week, it helps me find peace. Peace to me is reading, walking, volunteering at Toastmasters and catching up with those I care about.

Here’s a simple example – going to sleep. How often do you go to sleep stressed because of how your day went? Or thinking about all the work you have to do tomorrow? Feel free to lie to me, but respect yourself enough to admit it internally. And how does that help? You carry your battles to bed and it affects how much you sleep, how well you sleep and overall, your health. In carrying on with your battles at a time meant for peace, you harm your capacity to continue the struggle tomorrow.

Peace isn’t what you’re fighting for. It’s not the end result and it’s not your trophy for finishing first. Rather, it can be your path once it is ingrained in your process. So find peace in your battles. In your weeks. In your days.

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

Buddha

Boundaries

HarkrishanLeave a comment

Today, I am thinking about boundaries.

As someone who is open and friendly, setting boundaries was a difficult prospect for me. It sounded like locking a gate and stopping people from entering my life. Or even adding unnecessary distance that would only make things more difficult. Things are much clearer now. And I realize just how much I need them.

Boundaries are most difficult in happy and easy-going relationships. Because of all the happiness and the easy-going attitude. We begin to settle into what feels familiar and anything that emerges is labelled as the “byproduct of a happy relationship”. Despite arguments and disagreements, we may not acknowledge any discomfort that comes up. Because if the relationship is one full of love and happiness, why would there be discomfort? Well, because love is blind and happiness is relative.

And discomfort sneaks in when we forget these two key points.

Love is a powerful emotion. But it is not an entirely positive one. It extends from wanting the best for someone and having deep affection for them. But, often this is misinterpreted. Often, some fail to understand the distinction between wanting the best for someone and knowing what’s best for someone. They influence and direct (out of love, of course) their loved ones into paths they think lead to happiness. Or at least to their idea of happiness.

That is a point where boundaries are necessary. They are not an “I’m right and everyone else is wrong” zone where no one is allowed. They are a way of life that advertise the behaviours we are willing to accept around us.

This is not a caution to the wind approach. I am not advocating hasty and irresponsible life decisions. This is not about rejecting all advice, comments or opinions that differ from yours. Boundaries can take different kinds of shapes. The volumes at which you choose to have discussions. Whether or not a topic is open for discussion. The time you need to yourself. The type of language you prefer being used around you.

I see boundaries as defining the behaviours we accept around us. If someone’s actions don’t align with our boundaries, we don’t need to categorize them as “wrong”. Just as “wrong for us”. They do not need to understand our boundaries, merely to acknowledge and respect them. And we owe them the same for any boundaries they have.

Today, I am thinking about boundaries. And how they translate to self-care.