Category: Mental Wellness

Own the experience

Harkrishan1 Comment

Today, I am thinking about our experiences, especially those that make us happy or fulfilled or make us feel connected. This experience could be a new restaurent, a trip somewhere or even your culture.

Some experiences we are born into, like those around us or our environment. These, we we have little control over. At least until we are old enough to start venturing outwards to what feels right or exciting or promising. We reach out and embrace new experiences for all they could hold for us. They could range from life-changing to meh. Ironically, sometimes a walk, a meal or a conversation can be life-changing and travel can be just meh. Depends on you, I suppose.

The joy or sadness we get out of an experience is our own, but it is all too natural to want to share it with someone. I sometimes read a book and immediately wish there was someone else who had read it too. We could talk about the characters, the themes and so much more. But, that’s me. You might like talking about travel, or your past semester or an upcoming milestone. The same extends to negative experiences. The hurt we take from those also feels better when it’s shared.

All in all, it feels pretty good to share both positive and negative experiences. But what do you do when you can’t?

Some people may choose to ignore, invalidate or dishonour your experiences, perhaps unintentionally. They simply might not agree with you. They may just be having a bad day. Or perhaps the emotion of your experience isn’t all that important to them. Whether done out of spite or unknowingly, it can hurt all the same.

In those times, I think it’s comforting to take refuge in our experiences and what they mean for us. The fact that we cannot share our stories does not diminish what they meant for us. It is simply a single avenue that may be closed off to us, but others exist. I like to write about my experiences. Some people scrapbook. Others simply reminisce over cups of tea.

Your experiences are your own. If I tried to explain why I choose to be spiritual or what it means to me, it could be exhausting for you to listen. But it is MY experience which means I can find solace in it like nobody else can. I find that to be a comforting thought. That while sharing is a happy act, a lack of it doesn’t invalidate what I take from any experience.

I invite you to honor your experiences, what they meant to you, what you took from them and carry them in whichever way you choose to. Own you experiences, even if sharing them is not always an option!

Growth isn’t linear

Harkrishan2 Comments 
I wish I could walk a straight path
From where I am to where I'll be
But winds and storms, they had their say
And I ended up by the sea

I walked and walked the sandy shores
In search of another face
One who walked a path like mine
And hopefully at a similar pace

My path was desolate, empty and bleak
Not another soul I came across
I went where the winds carried me
My loneliness was my loss

Up and down I went, hither and thither
Often two steps backward lost,
I wondered why it must be so
My insides turned and tossed

In my search for a path to follow,
Or footsteps I could pursue
I didn't notice how far I'd come
Or the path I'd forged anew

A path made of my own mistakes
My trials and my tribulations
As messy and winding it may have been
It was a path of my own creation

I walked it alone as I started
And lonesome, I walk it now
For no one has ever been me before
That, nature simply cannot allow

I set out wishing a straight path
And now I'm thankful for it all
The twists and turns, the ups and downs
They're my own and now I stand tall

Change

Harkrishan3 Comments

I used to think – “I don’t want to change.”

I liked myself as a kid. I liked being a kid. No responsibilities, care-free days and mostly, home-cooked meals. But then I grew up and went off to school in Canada. The world around me changed – the place, the people and the food. And I had to change with it. But, I told myself that I hadn’t really changed. That when I went back home, everyone would still recognize me as the same old brother or son or friend. It was scary to think that something would change me and someone close to me wouldn’t recognize me anymore.

Over the past year, I have been working on myself. On my behaviours, my routine, my inner thoughts and how they manifest in my conversations and interactions with people. I am also being mindful of my healing processes. There is much that has happened against what seemed like the flow of the world. We are changing what’s normal and in doing so, we’re trying to figure out what our new flow is and how it all works, But I am not writing about COVID today. I am writing about change.

As I aim to transform myself into a more mindful individual, more questions about change come up.

Am I changing too much? Will I become too different? Do I want to change?

After some thought, here is what I’ve come up with. The idea behind taking up healthier practises and trying to be more mindful is to improve your way of life as a person. Since I’ve started meditating, I find myself going into the rest of my day with a clear(er) head. Reflections allow me to evaluate my conversations with people. And of course, introspecting about difficult days and hurtful conversations helps me understand how and why I approach things.

Often times, we think of healing as a process that takes us back to our original state. But consider this. If you have ever worked through a difficult period in your life and consider yourself healed, are you back to your original unhurt state? Can you ever go back to the point where that hurt or trauma had never entered in your life? No. You carry the hurt and the recovery forward with you and it shapes you.

Some say change is a constant. It will occur whether you want it to or not. COVID was a big change but if it hadn’t occurred smaller changes would still happen everyday. As I invoke certain practises in my daily routines, I bring about change. This is not inflicted change, rather it is controlled change. Change of my own making, so to say. I choose to bring about positive changes by taking baby steps towards meditation and mindfulness.

I also think of the worldly changes that happen in our lives. The ones we can’t control. Like friends who choose to stop reaching back or family members who make selfish decisions. When your school shifts online and you suddenly have to change everything about your mode of learning. When you find yourself feeling silly for having put so much into a one-sided relationship. All these are changes we don’t control. And I have found that when I experience these un-controllable situations, my personal changes come to the rescue.

Meditation, mindfulness and reflections help me find the way forward by looking inward. These changes that I choose to bring to my life, work to balance the uncontrolled ones that are flung at me. And that answers my questions. I change a little bit every day but I control the real change in my life. I give it direction and allow it to take me where I would like to go.

So, no, I am not changing too much. And, yes, I will become different but from the changes of my own making. And most importantly, yes I do wish to change. I wish to grow and find new ways to live a more mindful life. I’ve answered my own questions, and I’d like to ask you one as I conclude this post,

If change is a constant, wouldn’t you rather it fundamentally came from within you?

P.S. I hope you all stay safe. Wear masks in public areas. Check up on friends and family. Take care of yourselves folks!